Tags

, , , , ,

Ok so the device is officially called a bidet, but that doesn’t change the fact that some intersting demands came out recently in a UK newspaper article from Daily Mail. After the remodelling was complete and the fact that they no longer had wash Maradona’s asshole was realized, the old toilet seats were seen celebrating in the streets of Johannesburg getting vomitted in and letting stray cats drink out of them. When asked what’s next for them the two replied that, in a desire to see less drugs and STDs, they would probably volunteer in the restrooms of World Cup stadiums. The new bidets come with “front and rear bidet wands” and blow hot air, which is not unlike their new master. However, word that they have been specially equipped to dispense prerolled ten-dollar bills is still unconfirmed.

That is one lucky bidet.

A full week later, ESPN/Soccernet.com picked up on the story and added to it with a quote from USMNT coach Bob Bradley. Why wasn’t this in the UK article? Oh yes, because no one outside this country cares about the USMNT. However, along with the Brazil’s request for a perfectly set pool tempurature and personal chefs, Argentina’s ultra-specific food requests, Italy’s specialized gym aquipment and pasta is Mexico’s special request in South Africa for a personal priest to conduct services for the team. Maybe they could put him in to sure up their midfield. The US team’s requests consist of a full supply of “…trail-mix, dried fruits and Gatorade”?! Excellent, the finely tuned athletes of US National Soccer Team are getting pampered and treated to what is in my kitchen cabinet right now. I bet they’re stoked.

Alexandra Paressant and my ex-girlfriend have something in common.

This is similar to a time four years ago when Ronaldinho’s ex-girlfriend Alexandra Paressant said after that year’s World Cup, the Brazilian was in poor form because they would stay up late making love and then he would play FIFA 2006 all night long. I remember turning to my girlfriend at the time and stating: “Look, Ronaldinho is just like me!” She was mildly amused. And now, both myself and Ronnie will watch the World Cup from home.

Ok, how was that related you ask? I’m not sure. But the article goes on to say that the Americans’ll have a room with lots of games and movies too, but with a shotty internet connection. Hopefully that’ll save them from both my ramblings and intimate knowledge of Maradona’s rear end.