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Even though most eyes have been transfixed on the August transfer market, there was one transaction that has slipped under the radar. Eric Wynalda, yes that Eric Wynalda was picked up by Fox Soccer Channel to replace aging analyst Steven Cohen. What’s that? Cohen isn’t aging? Oh, we must’ve thought he was since his belligerent rambling began to resemble things grandpa says at Thanksgiving dinner.

This story begins when Steven Cohen decided to speak his mind on Fox Football Fone-In on April 13th. As any listener to FFF knows, Cohen speaking his mind is hardly unusual. His decision, however, to blame the 1989 Hillsborough tragedy (where 96 fans were trampled or crushed to death) on the fans themselves was less than bright. Cohen’s position was that several thousand Liverpool fans with “evil in their hearts” went to the stadium that day and were at least partly responsible for the tragedy. In claiming so, he got on the wrong side of an army of Liverpool fans out for his head. According to the Taylor Report, which was the official inquiry into the events of that day, the deaths were due in part to the stadium design and the lack of police presence to control the people in the stands.

Facts have never gotten in the way of Steven Cohen giving to the masses his tv-dinner (pre-made) opinions. Cohen had concluded through his own thorough inquiry that the Taylor report was wrong. His inquiry possibly consisted of saying that which he wrote on a cocktail napkin while on a weekend drinking binge. Needless to say, certain people thought that his nuanced view into the matter was a bit misguided, and by “certain people” we mean “everyone.”

Normally, Steven’s rants are shrugged off and he moves on to his next talking point while Nick Webster tries to hide his expression (which resembles a dog hearing his owner’s voice on an answering machine message). This particular time was different. People voiced their opinion, organized boycotts of the program and most importantly, sponsors began to shy away. That’s when FSC and FFF decided to pull the plug on Cohen. The question then became: with whom do you replace a shock host whose method of operation is to pull stuff out of his ass? The answer: with a shock host who pulls stuff out of his ass, who didn’t mention the Hillsborough incidence. That man is Eric Wynalda.

Eric Wynalda, for those who don’t know, is the second leading scorer in US soccer history. Unfortunately, it’s very difficult to make a lecture career off that title so Wynalda was forced to dig deep and find something else he was not good at. Since he had the rare ability to speak into a microphone, he chose broadcasting.

Do to his national team pedigree, ESPN convinced themselves it would be a good idea to put him on TV during the last World Cup. He was able to balance the in-depth and insightful analysis of his colleagues with a style that can be only described as that of a drunken little-league dad. His bitterness towards the success of the US team during that epic coverage was apparent but it was not quite enough to get him fired by the sports super-network. Thankfully for all the fans of the world’s game, Wynalda himself quickly provided sufficient material to justify his termination. During a Chicago Fire game, the outspoken announcer compared the flare lit by several fans to the California wildfires blazing at the time of the broadcast. As insensitive as that is, it is surprising he was even around that long considering the events several months prior.

In an interview with the website FulhamUSA.com, Wynalda made clear his thoughts on ESPN personality Jim Rome, who is openly and vigorously hostile towards the game of soccer. In declaring his dedication to the advancement of the “American game,” Wynalda kindly suggested for Rome to perform fellatio on him. Clearly, Wynalda thought that this might help Rome’s cadence when speaking into the microphone on his radio show. However, what followed was a war of words between two people who, if it wasn’t for sports, would have to settle for being those guys who stuck around their high school way too long after graduating. Rome even has the compensatory goatee to prove it.

There is no doubt that Jim Rome is a douche of the highest order. There is some part of us that is actually impressed that Wynalda, facing the wrath of his own notoriously autocratic employer, took a shot at that guy. However, we’re more impressed because we’ve never heard of someone throwing themselves under the bus before. The cantankerous, cuss-laden manner in which Wynalda delivered his thoughts showed that his class is neither better nor worse than Rome himself. He is a douche of equal measure. The recklessness of his actions prove that he is not a heroic martyr on a quest to save soccer in this country but merely a sociopathic egoist with a gluttony for punishment. In fact, as Wynalda recounts the number of times he’s been fired by the MLS, he seems to get off on it like some sort of ritual masturbation.

In hiring Eric Wynalda, all Fox Soccer Channel did was pay lip service to a cadre of listeners and sponsors demanding blood. If they truly had respect for the Hillsborough victims then they would hire a person with a history of mental clarity to ensure such an offensive statement did not happen again. Fox Soccer Channel has offended the soccer community in a strikingly similar manner to Steven Cohen’s original remark.

written by Mark Stevens of thetruefootball.com and Chet Bishop of seppuwafallsgazette.com